1. ek pagal gusse me aakar kehta hai k saari duniya ko mita dunga ,mai sari duniya ko mita dunga.dosra pagal has kar bola he,he,he,he, mai tujhe RUBBER hi nahi dounga
2. I need you... I love you... I can't go anywhere without you... Oh my lovely... SHOES !
3. Newtons Law of Romance LOVE CAN NEITHER BE CREATED NOR BE DESTROYED, IT CAN ONLY BE CHANGED FROM ONE GIRL FRIEND TO ANOTHER
4. Newtons 2nd law of ishq the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increament or decreament of the bank balance
5. Newtons First Law of Ishq a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, untill on unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy
6. Girl: when we get married, i want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. boy: it's very kind of you, darling, but i don't have any worries or troubles. girl: well that is because we aren't married yet
7. A small kid wrote to Santa Clause, "send me a brother". santa wrote back, "send me ur mother"
8. Some times small things in life hurt a lot... If u dont agree with me.. then... . . .try to sit on a pin !!
9. Kuch Nahi 'I' k mobile ko 'U' k mobile say pyar ho gaya hay is liye line mar raha hay.
10. 7 Angels come to me & asked for
    the most
    Inteligent
    Smart
    Nice
    Sweet
    Well Behaved
    Well Groomed person
    So i Gave them your address.
    DEKHA
    
    Kaisa wollu banaya unko
11. Girl : Mom, i m in love with a guy.. Mom shocked : How old is the boy & what is he doing Girl : 3 month & kicking happily in my stomach..
12. Tum ek aise don ho jiske pass, Har lock ki chabi hain, Tabhi to apko don with key kahte hain. Aur Pyarse. "Donkey" .Think it DON!
13. kiss is a key off love' love is a lock off marrige' marrige is a box of children'children r problem off pakistan soo stop kissing and save pakistan
14. aij jamadarnee ko aik condume mil gayia too malikan kee pass lee kar gayee our poocha yee kia hay? malikan kia ap loog sex nahee karteee ? jamadarnee kartee hay leeken etna bb nahee kee khool uttar jayeee
15. Question:Why do some teachers wear sunglasses? Answer:Because their pupils are very bright.
16. twinkle twinkle little star
    tera boy friend gaya bazar
    us ko mil gaya doosra pyar
    ab tu beth ker makhyan maaar
17. Was your Father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?
18. To be a "Good professional", always start to study late for "Exams". Because it teaches how to manage "Time" and tackle "Emergencies"!!
19. Yaar aaj ka din bada fuddu hai....
    
    Fuddu se yaad aaya
    
    Kaisa hai tu..!!
20. The animals of a jungle have decided to hold a meeting. The lion has come, the tiger has come, the elephant has come, the monkey has come.. But The meeting hasn’t started. Guess why ? Because the Donkey is busy reading this SMS!
21. This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, an cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat,20 cat, seconds cat !… Now read it without the word cat
22. What is difference between watch & wife?
    Ans- Ek bigarti hai toh bandh ho jati hai aur Dusri bigarti hae tu Challu ho jati hai!
23. The more I learn the more I get to know,
    the more I know the more I forget,
    the more I forget the less I know,
    so why should I be learning??
24. Hello, this is GOD. I make few bad creations but you are the worst monster I ever realised. My apologies on behalf of the whole world.
25. Sweet candies are nice to eat …
    Sweet words are easy to say …
    but, sweet ppl are hard to find …
    OH MY GOD! how did u find me?
26. Life without u is impossible,
    u r in my breath and blood.
    i cant stay for a second without u,
    if u r not there i am dead
    oye hello i am talking about OXYGEN
27. Today, tommorow and yesterday there will be …
    one heart that would always beat for you …
    You know Whose??? … your Own Stupid!!!
28. If ever in your life U R very sad & lonely
    & feel that U have lost every thing,
    I will come, Hold your hand,
    take U 4 Walk on a Bridge & Show U where 2 jump From
29. The rain makes all things beautiful …
    The grass & flowers 2 …
    If rain makes all things beautiful
    why doesn’t it rain on you?
30. Can u pronounce good english:- read along woof,
    roof, loof, shoof, shoof, woof, loof, roof,
    poof, woof woof, hoof, woof, roof, shoof.
    
    Test results: U r a good dog. Now stop barking.
31. From Mon to Sun, From Jan To Dec,
    From birth till my death, my feelings 4 u
    have never changed.
    
    For me, you’ve always been…
    a headache !
32. God made man and then rested,
    god made women and then no one rested.
33. Could u fax me ur photo very very urgently ?
    Mind u - it’s really very very urgent,
    damn serious and very imp …
    I’m playing cards and we’ve misplaced the JOKER.
34. When i open my eyes every morning i pray to God
    that everyone should have a friend like you…
    Why should only i suffer!
35. When u feel sad …
    To cheer up just go to the mirror and say …
    “damn I am really so cute” u will overcome your sadness …
    But don’t make this a habit .. Coz liars go to hell !!!!
36. Hi! i am marrying next week. there will be a small party and only a few people will be invited…so i am inviting you…don’t bring any gift with you…just bring someone to marry me
37. Someday u may lose ur hair ..
    u may lose ur teeth- ur money & even lose ur mind ..
    But 1 thing u will never loose is ur good looks ..
    coz u cant lose wot u don’t have!
38. After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”
    
    The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”
39. Ur smile can be compared with Flowers,
    Ur voice can b compared with a cuckoo,
    Ur innocence can b compared with a baby,
    but in foolishness… You’ve got no comparisons
40. Why do U think I SMS u ?
    Is it because I care ? Or I miss u ?
    Or I love u ? Or I need You ? No ! It’s b’coz…
    Time pass ke liye koi BAKRA chaiye !
41. Sometime my mind asks why I miss you?
    Why I care for you?
    Why I remember you?
    Then my heart answers it’s simply because mental patient needs more care.
42. When you get this SMS,
    send it to 1 person u love, 1 u hate,
    1 u always think of and 1 u wish to kill.
    Now, keep guessing why I sent it to u.
43. Another MOON ? ………..Possible
    Another SUN ? …………..Possible
    Another SKY ? …………….Possible
    Another Friend Like U ? ………Impossible
    ‘coz GOD can’t make the same MISTAKE twice
44. Boy: Jaaneman, is dil mein aaja!
    Gal: Sandal utaaroon kya?
    Boy: Are pagli, yeh koi mandir thodi hai, aise hi aaja!
45. Koi pathar se na maare mere diwane ko …
    Koi pathar se na maare mere diwane ko …
    Bomb ka zamana hai yaaron … Udaa do saale ko.
46. Ramchandra kah gaye siya se,
    aisa kalyug aayega,
    sirf ek dost SMS karega,
    dusara kamina bas padh ke muskurayega!
47. Tum sa koi dusara zameen par hua to rab se sikayat hogi….
    Ek to jhella nahi jata dusra aa gaya to kya halat hogi!!!
48. Jab hume pyaas lagti hai,
    unke aane ki aas lagti hai ,
    unki dewangi mein hum ho gaye itne dewane,
    Ki har ladki ki maa apni saas lagti hai
49. Wife- i will die.
    Husband- i will also die.
    Wife- Why do you want 2 die?
    husband- bcoz mein itni khushi bardasht nahi kar sakta:
50. Girl riding on a cycle hit the Jatt
    Jatt: Andhi hai kya
    Girl: huh Behra hai kya, Ghanti jo mari?
    Jatt: Ghanti hee marni thi to nikal kar marti, poori cycle marne ki kya zaroorat thi.
51. Haseen tum ho to bure hum bi nahi,
    mahalo mein tum ho to sadak par hum bhi nahi,
    pyar karke kehte ho shaadi shuda ho,
    kaan kholkar sunlo, kunware hum bhi nahi.
52. Mayawati came to Lallu’s house with a goat.
    Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?
    Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?
    Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.
53. Khuda kare mobile tera kho jaye
    Mile mujhe aur mera ho jaye
    Ladkiyo ko SMS karu tere naam par
    Maar tujhe mile aur kaleja thanda mera ho jaye
54. Kya mast air chal raele hai
    cow log grass eat kar raele hai
    dog log bark bark kar raele hai
    Shaane log SMS kar raele hai
    DHAKKAN log SMS padh raele hai
55. Ansoon tere nikle aur ankhein meri ho
    dil tera dhadke aur dhadkane meri ho
    khuda kare hamari dosti itni gehri ho
    ki naukri tum karo aur salary meri ho…
56. Aye dost tu bhi likha kar shayri…
    Meri tarah tera bhi naam ho jayega,
    log fekenge ande tamatar,
    To raat ki sabji ka intezaam ho jayega
57. Santa & banta sit in a coffee house…
    1st: “Jaldi pee yaar, coffee thandi ho jayegi”
    2nd: To kya?
    1st: Arre Bevkoof, menu card padha!!!
    HOT COFFEE Rs.20/- & COLD COFFEE Rs.40/-
58. Sardarji goes to the library and slams the book on the table and complains, “Too many characters no story”
    
    Librarian, “So u are the idiot who took the telephone directory”
59. Two snakes sitting in the jungle,
    Female snake tried to kiss the male snake,
    Suddenly male snake turned and started singing:
    “zehar hai ki pyar hai tera chumma !”
60. When U feel that nobody loves U
    nobody cares 4 u
    & everyone is ignoring U,n hating U,
    U should ask Urself..
    Saala Chakkar kya hai!Pathar se dosti, Jaan ko khatra.
    Pathan se dosti, Demag ko khatra.
    Daru se dosti, Liver ko khatra.
    Hum se dosti, raat be raat SMS ka khatra.
61. Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons.
    One day a pigeon reaches Banta without message.
    Angry Banta calls Santa!
    Santa: Oye, this was a missed call
62. Saqib enters kitchen and opens the sugar box. Sees inside and closes it.
    
    Wife observes the whole episode. Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife asks Why are you doing this?
    
    Saqib replies: Doctor told to check sugar level regularly.
63. Mon to Sun, From Jan To Dec, From birth till my death,
    my feelings 4 u have never changed.
    For me, you’ve always been a headache!
64. Santa child - mere papa bahut darpok hain.
    Banta child - how?
    Santa child - jab bhi road cross karten hain, meri ungli pakad lete hain !
65. Aahat si koi aaye to lagta hai ki tum ho,
    Saya sa koi lehraye to lagta hai ki tum ho,
    Ab tumhi batao tum kya kisi bhoot se kam ho
66. If ever in your life u r very sad n feel that u have lost everything,
    I’ll come, hold ur hand,
    take u 4 walk on a bridge and show u where 2 jump from.
67. Sitam dhaane ke bhi had hote hain
    pass naa aane ke bhi had hote hain
    rooth jaane ke bhi had hote hain
    ek sms to kardiya karo
    paise bachane ke bhi had hote hain
68. Message pe message bhejte ho,
    bhej bhej ke bheja kharab karte ho,
    bhejte ho toh bhi kya bhejte ho,
    khud ka bheja to chalta nahi dosron ka bheja hua bhejte ho!!
69. Hi Good Morning!
    Arz hai,
    Chai ke cup se uthte dhuein mein teri shakl nazar aati hai,
    Tere khyalon mein kho kar aksar meri chai thandi ho jaati hai.
70. Teacher : “Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?”
    Pupil : “The moon”.
    Teacher : “Why?”
    Pupil : “The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don’t need it”.
71. Machhar ne aap ko kata,
    Yeh us ka junoon tha,
    Aap ne khujli ki,
    Aap ka sukoon tha,
    Phir bhi aap ne usko nahin mara,
    Kyun kay us ki ragoon mein aap ka khun tha.
72. Dear God,
    
    Thank u for making me healthy.
    Can u also make me sexy?
    If u can’t make me sexy,
    plz make all my friends fat and ugly.
73. Dekha tujhe to rooh khush ho gayi,
    Ek kami thi vo bhi puri ho gayi,
    Pagal hain vo log jo kehte hain ki,
    Chimpanzi ki aakhri nasal kahin kho gayi!
74. Tere dwar par sanam hazaar baar aayenge,
    tere dwar par sanam hazaar baar aayenge,
    ghanti bajayenge aur bhaag jayenge
75. An apple a day keeps the doctor away,
    but if doctor is cute,
    forget the fruit.
76. Log kehte hai pyar mein neend nahi aati
    are koi hamse bhi pyar kar lo
    humhe neend bahut aati hai
77. Phulon se khoobsurat koi nahi.
    Sagar se gahara koi nahi.
    Aab aapki kya taarif karu.
    Dost me aap jaisa
    Nalayak koi nahi!
78. Woh to aaj bhi hamein dekh kar muskurate hain
    Par unke bachche bade kameene hain
    Jo hamein mama, mama kah kar bulate hain
79. Sometimes we wonder why friends keep sending funny sms to us without writing a word, maybe this could explain:
    
    When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do - you send funny sms.
    
    When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep in contact, you send funny sms.
    
    When you have something to say, but don’t know what, and don’t know how, you send funny sms.
    
    To let you know that: you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, you are still wanted, guess what you get? A funny sms from me.
    
    So my friend the next time you get a funny sms, don’t think that I have just sent you a funny sms, but that…
    
    I Have Thought of You Today!
    
    Send this to your friends and let them know you are always thinking about them and don’t forget to send it back to your friend who sent it to you … Let them know you’re thinking about them too!
80. Kal jab rasthe pe ja raha tha toh tumko dekha
    aur socha tum gharse mat niklo, tum ghar se mat niklo,
    Agar Nikal gayi to yeh bedard zamana kahegi
    Who let the dogs out…who who who
81. Wife- I will die.
    Husband- I will also die.
    Wife- Why do you want to die?
    husband- b’coz mein itni khushi bardasht nahi kar sakta!
82. Sardar ke bagiche me bahut sare ped the,
    Sardar naukar ko bola ped ko pani dal.
    Naukar bola saab barish aah raha hai,
    Sardar: abe budhu chhatri pakadke dal na!.
83. American gora bola - humhare yahan shaddi e-mail se bhi hoti hai.
    Sardar - kamal hai, humhare yahan toh female se hoti hai! .
84. One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.
    MOM: “Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school.”
    SON: “But why, Mama? I don’t want to go to school.”
    MOM: “Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go to school.”
    SON: “One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me.”
    MOM: “Oh! that’s not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school.”
    SON: “Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?”
    MOM: “One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of
    the school.”
    Heee….eee…e.e..e.e..e
    Bhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnn,
    Look There
    BBhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnn,
    Look Upward
    BBBhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeennnnnnnnnn,
    Look Downward
    Bhhhhhhhheeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnn,
    Yaar idhar udhar kiya dekh rahe hoo machhar hai maroo
85. Sardar 1: I’m very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.
    Sardar 2: You r nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent my wife with him
86. A sardar learning english introduces his family in the party:
    Hi! I am sardar,
    this is my sardarni,
    he is my kid,
    & she is my kidney.
87. Pledge Of Boys:
    India is my nation,
    girls r my destination,
    dating is my occupation,
    flirting is my profession,
    what the hell is this education?
88. Ram ne dhanush toda, sita chali aayi.
    Krishna ne bansi bajayi, radha bhag ke aayi.
    aur humne sirf seeti bajayi, saali baap ko le aayi.
89. Teacher: U have 2 score 90 % marks
    Student: I will score 100 % marks
    Teacher: Mazaaak kyon kartey ho?
    Student : Suroo kisney kiya?
90. 2 sardars were fighting after exam.
    Sir: Y r u fighting?
    1 Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
    Sir: So what?
    1 Sardar: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.
91. SAMUNDAR jitna PROJECT,
    NADI jitni EFFORT,
    BALTI jitna ESTIMATE,
    DABBEY jitni SALARY,
    CHULLU jitna INCREMENT,
    To kya hoga ACHIEVEMENT
92. DO MENDAK
    pehla bola “tar”
    dusra bola “tar”
    pehla bola “tar”
    dusra bola “tar”
    pehla bola “tar tar”
    dusra bola “sale topic mat change kar”
93. Rajiv: “What sort of a car has your dad got?”
    Amit: “I can’t remember the name. I think it starts with T.”
    Rajiv: “Really - Ours only starts with petrol.”
94. A little boy wasn’t getting good marks in school.
    One day he tapped his teacher on the shoulder and said, “I don’t want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don’t get better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking.”
95. Neha: We should use soap to keep our body clean.
    What should we do to keep our heart clean?
    Mona: I don’t know. Probably we must eat the soap.
96. Robin: Oh God! Please make Mumbai the capital of India
    Mother: But why son?
    Robin: Because that’s what I wrote in my test paper
97. Teacher: Ramu,what is far moon or Mumbai?
    Ramu: Mumbai, because we can see moon, but we cannot see Mumbai.
98. Wife: Do you want dinner?
    Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
    Wife: Yes and no.
99. Teacher: What’s the meaning of a school?
    Ritesh: A school is a place where father pays and the child plays!
100. Raj: What is your baby brother name
     Raju: I dont know he can’t talk yet
101. Son: “Dad, are you getting taller?”
     Dad: “No, why do you ask?”
     Son: “Because your head is growing through your hair!”
102. Tajmahal ko dekh kar bola, shahjahan ka pota:
     Aaj hamara bhi bank balance hota agar dada diwana na hota
103. Dil mei basa hai pyaar tera,
     Aankho mei basi hai tasavir teri,
     Jab bhi aati hai yaad teri,
     Ham dekhte hai: TOM AND JERRY.
104. Try 2 understand n don’t disturb me more.
     Leave me alone.
     Last night I didn’t sleep thinking of u.
     So don’t play with my life.
     - Sardar says 2 mosquito.
105. Lab khamosh johate hain jab tum samne aate ho,
     Dil dhadkta hai jab nigahe milate ho,
     Saans rukti hai jab tum muskarate ho,
     Dil kamjor hai mera,
     Itna kyon darate ho?
106. Hitler raha nahi,
     Saddam pakda gaya,
     Bin Laden ka thikana nahi,
     Veerapppan mara gaya,
     Aap bhi dikhte nahin,
     Lagta hai dharti par satyug aane wala hai
107. Hey Krishna tu is kalyug me aake to dikha …
     
     Tune 18 saal ki umar me mama kans ko mara, Bin Laden ko hath laga ke to dikha.
     
     Tune pura parvat ek ungli pe uthaya, mere gym me aake ek dumbell utha k to dikha.
     
     Tune bhari mehfil mein draupadi ko saree pehnai, Bipasa ko ek jodi kapde pehna ke to dikha.
     
     Tune gokul k 1600 gopia sath me rakhi, mere college ki ek ladki pata k to dikha.
     
     Hey krishna tu is kalyug me aa k to dikha
108. John: Hey bhagwan mujhe itna handsome kyun banaya, jhahan bhi jata hun ladkiya pareshan karti hai.
     
     Bhajwan: Agar tu itna pareshan hai to (your name) kitna pareshan hoga.

109. Kripya dhyan de …
..
..
..
..
..
Dhyan dene ke liye shukriya. Ab apna kaam karo.

110.  Ek murgi aur uske teen bache road cross kar rahe the.
Road cross karne ke baad murgi ke ek bache ne kaha, “Aakhir hum paanchon ne road cross karliya”.

Paanch kaise?
..
..
..
..
..
Socho Socho …
..
..
..
..
..
Kaise Hua?
..
..
..
..
..
Aur Jara Socho
..
..
..
..
..
Are bacha hai, kuchh bhi bol sakta hai.Mere jaise ladke ko kya chahiye?
1 Ladki jo pyar de.
1 Ladki jo achha khana banaye.
1 Ladki jo paisa kamaye.
Aur aisa nasib ke tino ladkiyan ek dusre se mil na paaye.

111. Tumhari yaad dil se jaane na denge,
Tumhare jaisa dost khone na denge,
Sharafat se contact me rehena,
Varna bahut marenge aur rone na denge

112. Jaani… Jin toofanon mein logon ke aashiyane udd jaate hain, Unn toofanon mein hum apne underwear sukhaate hain

113. Nadi bhar padh pate hain,
Balti bhar yaad reheta hain,
Mug bhar likh pate hain,
Chullu bhar number aate hain,
Aur usimein doob kar mar jaate hain

v     ALLAH ke naam pe,
MAULA ke naam pe,
Tere biwi bachon ke naam pe,
Koi mere is SMS padhne wale dost ko paisa dedo,
Yeh mujhey SMS nahin karta

v     System of love:

Jan - Rose
Feb - Propose
Mar - Gift
April - Lift
May - Chating
June - Dating
July - Kiss
Aug - Miss
Sep - Drop
Oct - Escape
Nov - Rest
Dec – Next

v     Hun mein doctor jahan,
Meri wife hai nurse wahan.
Ye kaisa julm sehana pad raha he,
Mujhe wife ko sister kehna pad raha he.

 

v     Aap agar PAGAL ho to SMS padhte hi miss call kijiyega,
MAHA PAGAL ho to SMS kijiyega,
BEVKUF ho to call kijiyega.
Aur agar teeno ho to chup rahiyega…

 

v     Ek admi sadhu se bola, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.
Sadhu bola, saale upaay hota to mai sadhu kyun banta?

 

v     Kya aap Close Up karte hain?
Kya aap Confidence se Chalte hain?
Kya aap Penalty Bharte hain?
“MOBILE” k bill se darte hain?
To aap SMS kyun nahi karte hain?

v     Suwar ke bachhe!
Ullu ke patthe!
Kutte ke pille!
Gadhe ki aulaad!
Bhains ke bachhde!
Bakri ke memne…

 

v     Mandir mein jap karta hun,
Masjid mein addab karta hun,
Insaan se kabhi bhagwan na ban jaun,
Isliye roj tumko SMS karke paap karta Hun.

 

v     Jis se pyar kiya vo Delhi chaligayi,
Jis se shaadi karna chaha vo Italy chaligayi,
Kambakath jina bhi kya jina hain,
Marne gaya to bijali chaligayi.

v     Wife: Jab tum lassi pite ho, to mujhe Paro kehte ho.
Jab whiskey peete ho to mujhe Darling kehte ho.
Aaj kya piya hai, jo CHUDEL keh rahe ho?

Husband: Aaj mein pura hosh-o-hawaas mein hun

v     Me Yahan Woh Wahan,
Me Yahan Woh Wahan,
Are Woh Woh Too Boliye ,
Lifebuoy Hai Jahan Tanduriste Hai Wahan.

v     Aaj ek zindagi aur jee lo,
Aaj ek sapna aur dekh lo,
Aaj thori khushi aur bant lo,
Aaj ek sms aur kar lo,
Aaj bas aaj, kya pata kal balance ho na ho.

v     When I call you:
1 ring means - I’m missing u,
2 ring means - I like u,
3 ring means - I’m thinking of u,
4 ring means - I need u,
5 ring means - Idiot phone utha.

v     What is difference between watch & wife?
Ans- Ek bigarti hai toh bandh ho jati hai aur Dusri bigarti hae tu Challu ho jati hai!

v     Gam woh cheez hai
Gam woh cheez hai
Gam woh cheez hai
Jisse kagaz chipkaye jaate hain

v     Khud ko kar buland itna
Key Himalay ki choti pe jaa pahunche
Aur Log tujh say puchhe
Abe gadhe, ab utrega kaise

v     Woh jab chalti hai to raahon main 100-100 ke note bichhata hoon
Woh chaali jati hai tab uthaa leta hoon

v     Din ko chain nahin,
Raat ko aaram nahin,
Jee na lage kahin,
Ae-khuda, kya yahi pyar hai?

v     Humne bhi pyar kiya tha zindgi main, badi joshh ke sath
Humne bhi pyar kiya tha zindgi main, badi shhor ke sath
Ab hum pyar karenge badi soch ke sath
Kyon ki usey kal shamko dekha kisi aur ke sath

v     Tez hawa ka jhoka aaya
Sath mein tera khushbhu laya
Tab mere dil mein khayal aaya
Aaj bhi mera dost nahi nahaya

v     Ishq main kitne ghar lut gaye yaroo
Ishq main kitne ghar lut gaye yaroo

Ishq main 15, 20 ghar luit gaye yaroo

v     Biwi ne bade pyar se pati ki gale mein baahein dali, aur puchha - kaisa lag raha hai?
Pati bola: Jaise bhagwan sanker k gale me naag.

v     Maine tujhe dekha
Dekhta raha, Dekhta hi gaya
Phir mujhe chashma lag gaya

v     Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.

v     Zor ki baarish Makes me wonder
Is this what they call, taste the thunder?

v     Hum dua karte hain khuda se,
Ki wo aap jaisa dost aur na banaye,
Ek CARTOON jaisi cheez hai humare paas,
Kahin wo bhi common na ho jaye

v     Mother makes her son Intelligent in 20 yrs,
but a Girl makes him Stupid in 2 mins.

v     Mere marne ke baad mere doston,
Yun aansoo na bahana,
Agar meri yaad aaye to,
Sidhe upar chale aana!

v     A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn’t turns up for four days.
Lady calls again,
Santa replies: I’m coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out

v     Ladki aisi paheli hai,
Kabhi tere toh kabhi meri saheli hai,
Kharcha karo toh bole: “DARLING I LOVE U”.
Na karo toh bole: “BROTHER HOW R U ?”Q:Why Santa is standing below the Tube light with an open mouth.

A: Because Doctor has advised him: ‘Aaj Light Khana hai!’

v     A chinese pair Mr and Miss Hua, got twins without getting married. What did they name them?

Ans:
Jo Hua, So Hua.

v     Jahan dosti vahan pyar,
Jahan pyar vahan ishq,
Jahan ishq vahan judai,
Jahan judai vahan dard,
Jahan dard vahan jandu balm,
Jandu balm lagao aur chup kar ke so jao
Good Night

v     Question: “Pizza Hut” ka opposite kya hota hai?
-
-
-
-
-
Answer: Pizza hatna mat

v     Question: “Pizza Hut” ka opposite kya hota hai?
-
-
-
-
-
Answer: Pizza hatna mat

v     Pathan sitting on the top of the mountain and studying.
When a person asked what he was doing?
He replied, Oye! higher studies yaar.

v     What is difference between watch & wife?
Ans- Ek bigarti hai toh bandh ho jati hai aur Dusri bigarti hae tu Challu ho jati hai!

v     Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai

v     Agar zindagi main kuch kar dikhana hai to
kuch aisa karo ki jis shaher, jis gali,
jis mod se guzro wahan ke
har ghar se awaaz aaye,
Papa aa gaye, Papa aa gaye!

v     Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai

v     Tum kya jano gum kya hota hai.
tumne gum ko kab jana hai.
tum to gum se bekhabar ho.
tumne to hamesha fevicol use kiya hai.

v     Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya

v     Mayawati came to Lallu’s house with a goat.
Laalu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?
Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?
Laalu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.

v     Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave

v     Wife- i will die.
Husband- i will also die.
Wife- Why do you want 2 die?
husband- bcoz mein itni khushi bardasht nahi kar sakta

v     Banta asked Santa: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Santa: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.

v     Men always have better friends… They will stand by you, no matter what!

Friends of Women:
A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband, the very next morning, that she stayed at her (girl) friend’s apartment overnight. So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and none of them confirm that she was with them.

Friends of Men:
A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend’s apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night and another 5 are claiming that he is still with them.

v     Phulon se khoobsurat koi nahi
Sagar se gahara koi nahi
Ab aapki kya tarif karu
Dost me aap jaisa
Nalayak koi nahi!

v     God saw ur parents hungry, He created “Pizzas”
God saw they are thirsty he created, “Pepsi”
He saw them walking he created, “Car”
He saw them without problems, “He created u”.

v     Sorry recharge khatam ho gaya.

Galfriend ko I luv u bolna hai aur recharge khatam. Ab kya kare?

Mein batata hoon kya karein. Theke pe jao, quarter lo, 4 peg maro aur gf k ghar k bahar khade ho k jor se chilaao, “I Luv U”

Kabootar mehenga pad jaayega. Rum ka Paua ab sirf 10 Rs mein

v     Kal hi woh hum se jannat main takra gaee
Kal hi woh hum se jannat main takra gaee

Humare dil se dua nikli:
“Dur fite munh tusi ithe v aa gaee”

v     Tu mere dil mein aise samaayi hai
Jaise baajre ke khet mein bhains ghus aayi hai

v     Maine tumhare yadon mein ro ro ke tub bhar diya
Magar tum itne bewafa nikle, ki naha ke chal diye

v     Majnu Laila ke baal pakad ke bola
Moya kitne din se sar nahin dhoya

Bolaa dukaan-daar, ke kya chahiye tumhain
Jo bhi kaho ge meri dukaan per wo paoge
maine kahaa ke kutte ke khane ka cake hai
bola yahin pe khaoge ya leke jaoge
Normal 0 Ø      Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his 
examination? 
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."

Ø      Human brain is the most
outstanding object in world.
It functions 24 hours a day,
365 days a year.
It functions right from the time we are born,
and stop only when we enter the examination hall.

Ø      Girl:It’s 2 tight
Boy:Don’t worry,I’ll do it slowly,
Gal:Push it in,
Boy:Ah..I can’t,
Gal:It’s painful,
Boy:Forget it.
.
.
.
.
We’ll buy new WEDDING RING

Ø      Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher:
“can kids of our age have kids?”

Ø      Teacher replied ” NO Never!!”

Ø      Boy said to girl :
“see i told you not to worry!!!!”

Ø      A boy goes to see a dance.

Ø      His mom angrily asks him:
Did u see anything there that
u were not supposed to see?

Ø      Boy: yes, I saw dad!

Ø      Why were males created before females?

Ø      Because you alwas need
a rough draft before the final copy.

Ø      A beautiful girl goes to Professor cabin
and
say
that i will do anything to pass in the exams
and professor says
NOW OPEN YOUR
.
.
.
.
.
.
Books And Study

Ø      A lawyer saw an auto accident on street.
He rushed over and started handing out
business cards saying:
I saw the whole thing..
I will take either side.

Ø      When i open my eyes every morning i pray to God that everyone should have a friend like you.... Why should only i suffer!!!

Ø      One day Santas Girlfriend asks him, Darling, om our Engagement will you give me a RING?Santa:Ya sure, Give me ur Telephone No.

Ø     
When I was born Devil said...Oh Shit!!! Another GOD!!!..& When u were born devil said ...Oh Shit!!!!Competition...!!! ....

Ø      Fill in the blank...Im ur .....friend- a)-Cute b)-Sweet c)-Loving d)-Boy/Girl e)-Best of all Reply is a must...

Ø      Do U know the fullform of COLLEGE- C-Come,O-On,L-Lets, L-Love, E-Each,G-Girl,E-Equally......Thats why boys go to college regularly....

Ø      Who said english is easy???Fill in the blank with YES or No... 1.-----I dont have brain... 2.-----I dont have sence... 3.-----I am stupid....

Ø      If ur world is spining Round & Round..& Round....Ur heart is beating fast ,do u think its LOVE? na Munna na its called high B/P.

Ø      Merry Christmas, Enjoy New Year, Happy Easter, Good luck on Valentines, Spooky Halloween & Happy Birthday Now bug off and don't annoy me for the next 12 months!!!!

Ø      what happend 2 ur mobile? i was trying 2 call u but i got this msg: welcome 2 D jungle network,D monkey u r tring 2 call is on tree plz try later.

Ø      First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering

Ø      Last night I lay in my bed looking at the beautiful stars, the moon and the sky...then i thought where the fuck is my roof

Ø      Birdy birdy in the sky dropped a poopy in my eye, I don't worry I don't cry, I'm just happy that cows can't fly!

Ø      If your a Vegetarian to be nice to animals, why are you eating there food

Ø      I'm a killer, i kill people for money, but you are my friend
I KILL YOU FOR FREE !!

Ø      Its been a rough day.I got up this morning,put on a shirt N a button fell off.I picked up my briefcase N the handle came off.I'm afraid 2 go 2 the bathroom

Ø      Jesus says to John come forth ill give you eternal life. John came fifth he won a toaster

Ø      At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex.5 million people r drinking coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text!pass on

Ø      The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass & flowers 2. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn’t it rain on you?

Ø      i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window... I look down & den... i lauf again

Ø      An independant study has proven dat those who have a bad sex life & who are crap in bed are readin dis message in their right hand!

Ø      I'm @ the police station now been done 4 drink driving.Urine sample was positive so I nicked the sample.they r now doin me 4 taking the piss

Ø      girls are like phones. we like to be held and talked too- but if u press the wrong button u'll be disconnected!

Ø      A sardarji’s boy asked his dad:
What is a grownup joke?
Sardar ji replied:
any joke which is eighteen years old

Ø      Can u do romance in the evening today? 

I'm in a good mood 
Just a little bit of kissing and biting 

reply me soon! 

urs lovingly 

"MOSQUITO"

Ø      If I was an artist, 
you would be my picture! 
If I was a poet, 
you would be my inspiration! 
If I was an author you would be my story! 

But I'm only a cartoonist!

Ø      Boy: I am not rich like rohit, I don't even have a bid car like rohit. But I really love you! 
Girl: I love you too, but tell me more about rohit..

Ø      Dream makes everything possible, Hope makes everything work, Luv makes everything beautiful, Smile makes all the above... So always Brush ur Teeth

Ø      Do u know similarity between Dinosaurs and Decent Girls? 
Both don't exist.

Ø      Monday went on Tuesday 2 Wednesday and asked Thursday whether Friday has told Saturday that Sunday is a holiday. Have a Great Sunday...

Ø      Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday? 
Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.

Ø      A Love Letter from BISCUIT MAKER- Dear Marie, Today is Good Day, U r Anmol for me... But U have Crackjacked my Heart, Bcoz I have a Little Heart, Now I m in 50/50 position...

Ø      In a train, ticket checker to a saint: Ticket please! 
Saint: I don't have. 
TT: Where do you want to go? 
Saint: Lord Ram's birth place, Ayodhya! 
TT: Come, lets go! 
Saint: Where? 
TT: Lord Krishna'a birth place, Jail.

Ø      Commerce professor asks the student: what is the most important source of finance for starting business?

Ø      Teacher: Johny,
if your father earned $100,000
and gave half of it to your mother,
what would she have?

Ø      Little johny: A heart a attack

Ø      How woman calls their husband in first 6 years
Yr 1.Janu
Yr 2.O G.
Yr 3.Sunte ho?
Yr 1.O bunty k pappa
Yr 1.Kahan mar gaye?
Yr 1.Tum aate ho k main aaon?

Ø      Sardar to doctor:
When I sleep, monkeys
play football in my dreams.

Ø      Dr:No problem,
just take this medicine b4 sleep. 
Sardar: i'll take it 2morrow, today final

Ø      Catch her by her waist…
Bring her home..
Keep ur hand on her neck
Put ur lips on her lips
& have a …
…nice drink…PEPSI

Ø      Can we do romance in the midnight today?
I’m in a good mood:)
Just a little bit of kissing and biting!!
Reply me soon,
yours Loving Mosquito.

Ø      Before marriage:
Roses are red, sky is blue,
O my darling! I love you…

Ø      After Marriage:
Roses are dead,
I have flu,
don’t come near me,
Paray hatt tuu,

Ø      Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. 
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

Ø      Good news! A new way to send Romantic kiss to your girlfriend. Just call me and order your kiss. I will personally go and deliver it.

Ø      Mon to Sun, From Jan To Dec, From birth till my death, my feelings 4 u have never changed. For me, you've always been a headache!

Ø      A baby fish asked her mother: Y can't we live on earth? 
Mother Fish: Earth is not the place for FISH, it's made for selfish.

Ø      What's the difference between wife n neighbours wife? 
Wife is a chocolate, can have any time. Neighbour's wife is like an ice-cream, shud hv immediately.

Ø      It's the sweetest thing to do. Do it the bed, on a sofa, in the bathroom or anywhere! U must never stop doing it. It's called Prayer! God bless ur naughty mind.

Ø      There is a sign in the toilet of the sex change clinic. It reads: We may never piss this way again.

Ø      Great Calculation: Only 20% boys have brains. 
Rest have 

Girlfriends

Ø      An engineering student to his sweeper brother: I have got degree, I have got knowledge, I can sit in society. What do you have? 
Sweeper: I have the job.

Ø      Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? 
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

Ø      Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards? 
Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says 'To the only boy I ever loved' 
Gal: Great! I want 10 of them

Ø      Beauty is not how you look, it is not how handsome u r, it is not ur figure too... Beauty is the inner self, so change ur underwear daily.

Ø      ·   Always start your day with a lot of S E X 
S-mile 
E-nergy 
X-citement 
so make SEX a daily habit, & u'll always be SMILING

Ø      Who Wants 2 B A 
£MILLIONAIRE£
Let's play? 
Q.Nobody likes u cos u r a: 
A.Cunt B.Wanka 
C.Rsole D.Twat 
50/50 
Phone a friend? 
RING ME! I'LL TELL U!

Ø      Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his 
examination? 
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."

Ø      Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.

Ø      There is a sign in the toilet of the sex change clinic. It reads: We may never piss this way again.

Ø      We will now upgrade your brain,
please wait….
Searching….
searching…
still searching….
Sorry,
NO BRAIN found…!

Ø      Two devils came in 2 my dreams.
They said,
“We want 2 disturb some good person.”
I suggest them your name.
They said,
“We cannot disturb our boss.”

Ø      Teacher told all students
in a class to write an essay
on a cricket match.

Ø      All were busy writing except one Sardarji.

Ø      He wrote No match, due to rain!!!

Ø      Hi i am marrying next week
there will be a small party and
only few persons will be invited
Hey don’t bring any gift
just bring SOMEONE to marry me.

Ø      When I open my eyes every morning
I pray to God that everyone should
have a friend like you….
Why should only i suffer!!! ha ha ha

Ø      Wife: I wish I was a newspaper
so I would be in ur hands allday.

Ø      Husband: I too wish that u were
a newspapers so I could have
a new one everyday.

Ø      Hey friend remember that
without stupidity there can be no wisdom
& without ugliness there can be no beauty
so the world needs YOU after all!

Ø      This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat,
keep cat, a cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat,
20 cat, seconds cat! Now read it all without the word cat!

Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.